Beginnings....

When writing poetry, you should begin at the end. You should know where you want your piece to go.
When writing a blog, the opposite is true. Here, I have to start at the beginning, and I have no idea where this, or anything really, is going.

Like all wives that have experienced deployment, I had a hard time accepting my husband's deployment. I was emotional and sensitive. Still, I knew that his absence wouldn't be the hardest part; and I was right. Having John home was much harder on our marriage than deployment was. The honest truth is that no one comes back whole once they've experienced the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. Intellectually, it's easy to understand that your husband will have difficulty readjusting. In practice, it's hard to sympathize when he's at his absolute worst. There is a reason the divorce rate among military is higher than among civilians.

And so you begin again, build your marriage up from the ground and try to change your perception of what it should be. You sacrifice yourself and what you want to help your husband heal, and that's what's right because he can't really help himself. In time it all gets better if you're strong enough to stick it out. Beginnings come in many shapes when a person needs to remember what it's like to be a husband, a friend, and a member of society.

Our biggest "beginning" happened two years ago when we left our families in Miami to move to Gainesville. Miami was too much to handle for someone who couldn't be around crowds or handle flashing lights. "Divorce" was a word that was coming up much too often, so when the opportunity to move to a smaller town came up, we took it. We hoped the slower paced life would help heal us both, and it has. I had always planned to stay close to my family, but I reminded myself that my husband was my family, too, and his well being was my priority.

Being on our own has been a much bigger struggle than we anticipated. We have weeks where our money is gone as soon as we make it. We've been overwhelmed with bad luck, but we're blessed with a supportive family that never hesitates to help us. And really, despite every terrible thing we experience, we are so happy. John has overcome his head injuries and can control his emotions. He's thankful that I was patient and waited him out, and I'm proud of him. His life is a blessing to me, and I never take it for granted that there were many times he almost didn't come home.

We struggle, like many military families. But there is so much to be thankful for.
This is only the beginning.